yes, many of you have seen it before, but the Political season is upon us, so...out it comes.
Let it Never be said that I am a Subtle Man
Something that's been kicking around a bit for a while. Enjoy ;-)I'm sure there is something to offend everyone......
Valder RamblesMy Lack of a Political Platform
By
Brian Kupfer
There are many good reasons I will never run for politics, which, surprisingly, have nothing to do with my checkered past. Although that certainly wouldn't help, it is rather vanilla compared to a lot of prominent politicians today.
No, my reasons are far much more basic. I don't have the emotional or mental makeup to be a politician.
I don't lie. I'm upfront and honest. BLUNT, even. I'm not egotistical or greedy. I understand the difference between right and wrong. I know where that line is. Sure, I step over it once in a while, but I always know I am doing it and I never stay on the other side for long. I'm loyal to those I care about. I'm impossible to buy off (not that anyone has tried).I'm opinionated and obstinate. I don't CARE about public opinion. I shy away from the spotlight. Money is nice to have, but it doesn't run my life. I have no desire to be famous. I am not trying to make people like me. If you do, great, if you don't, go away. I hate ties. I have a very low stupidity tolerance, and I don't shy away from letting people know if they've annoyed me. I'm NOT tactful. I have common sense, and common courtesy. (Common…don't make me laugh…what a misnomer. Tell me I'm wrong.) I don't fuck with people's beliefs. I don't truly care about people's beliefs as long as they don't try to force them on me. Ok…in THAT way I could be a politician. However, unlike politicos, with me, what you see is what you get.
This is going to be long, drawn out, and possibly not make a lot of sense to some of you. I'm quite possibly going to step on a lot of toes. These statements, or, if you will, Ideas on Solving Issues, are nothing more than refined versions of my thinking aloud on the way I would solve issues given the free reign to do so. Some will make you laugh, some you will applaud, others you will roll your eyes. And that's all good. That's the point, to stimulate thought. One thing we can all probably agree on, though….something needs to be done about some of these things. Many of you have heard some of these, a few have heard most…I don't think anyone has heard all of them. So, sit down, strap in, and feel free to make any comments you want….it's all about communication! Like I told Harry…..were I President and enacted all these things, I would likely be impeached, shot or at least shot AT, THEN Drawn and Quartered.
The Issues:
Congress and Politicians of any stripe, Local or National: Congress was originally chartered to be an objective voice of the people, consisting of representatives OF the people, working for the people's best interests. This seems to have fallen by the wayside, as Congress hardly represents these ideas in this day and age. Today, politicians hardly know what their constituents look like, much less what they stand for or how they live. Let's face it, most Congressmen or women make more than any ten of the people they "represent" put together. It's gotten out of hand. When it was founded (and, indeed, many towns across the nation are STILL run this way), Congress was made up of men who had other responsibilities in the community as well, and this is one of the reasons Congress was only on session at certain times of the year. They also did not receive large stipends from lobbyists, indeed, many of those original Congressmen were volunteers.
In my opinion, and if I were ever able to be in the position to affect such a change, Congress would be made a part-time job only (as it TRULY is a part-time job anyway), to be either voluntary or paid at minimum wage, and ONLY paid for those hours actually SPENT in the Congressional buildings. No expense accounts. They would have to travel on airliners like everyone else, drive their own cars or rent them, and, most importantly, PAY FOR IT THEMSELVES. No campaign funds. No political commercials. Word of mouth is the campaign trail. MEET the people. I know, it sounds Mayberry, but….. Take it back to basics. Make politicians actually BE the representatives of the people. In addition, true politicians would no longer be a job, and lawyers (see lawyers…they have another category) will be too busy in their reduced numbers to run for office. Congress and all other politicians would actually be made up of normal working men and women, who do their Congressional duties AROUND their normal jobs. We give National Guard and Reserves time off to do THEIR duties for the country, so there is no reason it could not be made to apply to politicians as well. After all, Congress is in session less time per year than the average Guardsman or Reservist is engaged in military duties, even in peacetime, so…..you see where I am heading on this.
In addition to the fact that the above changes would truly make the political machine representative of the people, limiting pay to volunteer or minimum wage would bring to light, and to life, in a much more palpable manner, the plight facing the working man and woman in this day and age. This will be covered later under Pay Scales.
Lawyers and Lawsuits: Face it….it's gotten out of hand. People can sue anyone for anything, even self-induced injuries from their own stupidity can make them millions off an innocent party. Need an example? Remember the dumbass who burned herself on McDonalds coffee at the drivethru….by spilling it on HERSELF? Thanks to her, all my coffee cups now say "Caution,. Beverage is Hot". No shit. It's not SUPPOSESD to be cold….and I don't care what the frou frou's say about iced coffee. Coffee is a hot drink….and especially back when ms moron burnt herself. So, under my plan, most lawyers and ALL frivolous lawsuits would be done away with. Society has become entirely too sue-happy and no one wants to take responsibility for their own actions these days.
Lawyers are, and SHOULD be, servants of the public, and there is no reason they should be making the outrageous kinds of monies they do.
Lawyers should be employed on a volunteer or minimum wage basis (you will see this theme again and again), and should not be able to gain commissions for suits.
In addition, there should be only two kinds of lawyers allowed hereon. These should be Criminal Defense Attorneys and Criminal Prosecutors. Said lawyers should only be on hand to try cases involving rape, Murder, unprovoked assault, hate crimes, large scale embezzlement (think Enron), and SERIOUS destruction, of property or theft.
Any lawyer who attempts to file frivolous lawsuits, (i.e. suing a homeowner for a burglar's injuries received DURING a robbery), should not only immediately lose their Bar privileges, but should in addition be incarcerated for the same length of time as their client, and, if at all possible, in the same CELL.
No more lawsuits for "personal responsibility" issues should be tolerated. For example, if your child ends up climbing your fence, going into the neighbor's yard, diving into their pool, and drowning, your neighbor CANNOT be held responsible for your negligence in watching your offspring. It's high time parents had to take the responsibility for their bad parenting.
All other forms of dispute should be able to be settled in person on a face to face basis. If it results in a fistfight, maybe you should be damn well sure you are right before you press the issue. If you are not sure about your position in a matter that you THINK may be a legal issue, ask a friend or parent.
Homelessness: In this day and age in America, there should be no such thing as homelessness or unemployment. Anyone who is unemployed and unwilling to get a job, (and there are HUNDREDS of THOUSANDS out there currently being held by illegal immigrants…more on THAT later), should be loaded into a cargo aircraft and shipped to Antarctica with a small amount of personal belongings. Within a week they would be either thankful for a job at McDonalds or the local meat packing plant, or dead. Either way, problem solved. After all, beggars shan't be choosers.
OBVIOUSLY, this would not apply for the handicapped or Veterans…this will be covered elsewhere.
As for the problem of homes and cost of living, these shall be covered elsewhere under the Pay scale heading.
Pay Scales: One of the first things I would do if placed in a position able to do so, would be to change the governmental pay scales, and, if possible, set standards for all groups of pay. For instance, the top-paid people in the US would be Teachers, Military, Policemen, Firemen, and Doctors. This would be a sliding scale. The highest paid person in civilian life would set the standard. No soldier, Teacher, PD , FD or Doctor would EVER make less than $80,000 a year, and would always be entitled to $10K a year more than the highest paid executives. Period. Entertainers and Athletes would be at the bottom of the scale with everyone else in between. It seems like common sense to me. The people that educate, protect, and save us should get the best pay. Seriously…why should a wall street fat-cat be making millions and rarely ever be away from a building or a chauffeured car, while Privates being shot at have to worry about which bills to pay. Nope. We have it backwards right now. Would be the first thing I changed. And, think about it, teacher's PAY goes up, they might want to stick in their field a little. I would have been a teacher, but would not have been able to pay my bills on a FL teacher's salary. It's ridiculous. These are the people entrusted with educating the leaders of tomorrow. And they make less than the garbage man. Think about that for a minute.
Gun Control: It's a stupid idea. All it does is make it easier for CRIMINALS to get weapons than it does honest citizens. An armed society is a polite society, I say. Sure, a few hotheads will shoot some people and then get killed themselves…but they won't last as long if EVERYONE has a weapon. Betcha road rage would go down if you KNEW the other guy was armed. Robberies too, probably. Besides….guns don't kill people. Honest truth. I have NEVER seen a gun kill someone…..by itself. It takes bullets and a finger on the trigger. So…no more gun control. You want one, have at it!
Illegal Immigrants: Two words. Go Home. As I see it, if you aren't a citizen and you aren't a tourist, you have no place here. You want to live here, get a citizenship. And quit bitching to me about your rights. You know what ILLEGAL means, right? You don't HAVE rights. If I were in charge your ass would be dropped in international waters if you declined to get a citizenship. We don't need or WANT illegal immigrants. If we were able to get rid of illegal immigrants and illegal immigrations, there would be no unemployment and no homelessness. It's a black and white situation. You are legal or you aren't.
Military Spending: Woo-a hot button topic. My way….there are no limits. Military funding should be a priority over ALL else except health care. Reagan had that one right. Look at it lately. Name five new military systems that have come online in one service in the last ten years. Think about this. The F-15, F-16, F-18, A-10, and AV-8B (Yes, we all know I am an aviation nerd) entered service in the mid-1970s. The F-22 raptor is just now entering service but its prototype first flew in 1990. The V-22 is also entering service but first flew in 1987. The F-117 entered service in 1983. The B-2A in 1988. Think about that. Our NEWEST tech is over 20 years old. The B-52H, C-130s, C-5 and KC-135 have been flying in our inventory since the 1950s, and the B-1B has been in the arsenal since 1975. The HMMWV came out in the 80s and the M-1 Abrams and Bradley Fighting Vehicles were in the late eighties as well. Some of our marine amphibious assault ships haven't changed since Iwo Jima and Normandy in 1944-45!! Food for thought.
Post-War Drawdowns: This is something I have never understood. WWI ended and we cut the military back to nothing. Then we got slapped around and sucker-punched by the Japanese in 1941. WWII ended and we scrapped most of our military hardware. Knock Knock. Who is it? Korea and Vietnam. Drawdown again. Knock Knock. Hi, we're the middle east and we'd like to have you play in the sand. Beruit Bombings, Libya, Gulf War. Drawdown. WHAM. Sept 11th. How many times are we going to make the same fucking mistakes? Think about it this way. If Muhammad Ali quit working out between fights, would he have ever been the Greatest of All Time? Or would he have just been Cassius Clay, some bum who got wiped off the boxing map on his second fight because he wasn't in shape? You think I'm being funny, but we are the ONLY superpower left….but we REALLY have no muscle. We have the best military in the world….but they are hampered by poor training, not enough supplies, and little backup. I say we build the military back up to where it was in the eighties, a TRUE global power….and never draw down again. Because if we have proven ONE thing in the past, it's that when we DON'T have military strength….THAT'S when we need it. Here's a fun what if for you. Say we had never quit producing fighters and bombers after World War II. Hell, say we never did the massive Drawdown in the early nineties and still had 20x the men and women in uniform we do now….do you REALLY THINK 9/11 would have happened?
Political Ads: Banned. End of story. See my "Congress" section.
DMV regulations and Testing: EVERYONE would have to pass a MUCH tougher written and driving test to get a license. This driven test would include Tactical maneuvering, wet and inclement condition driving, off-road driving, hills, parallel parking, ice driving, introductory hydroplaning, interstate merging, and Manual Transmission. Also, it would be mandatory EVERY FOUR YEARS that you would be re-tested, up until you turned sixty-five, then it would be EVERY YEAR. The written test would be exhaustive, covering over 200 questions and lasting at least two hours. A car is a dangerous weapon in stupid hands. High performance vehicles would require more testing commensurate with the sticker price. You want a sixty-five thousand-dollar SUV…you may be in driver's classes a while. The faster, bigger, heavier, more powerful a vehicle is, the more easily it can kill someone…or a LOT of someones. It should be treated as such.
Veteran's Benefits: You NAME it. Veterans are heroes, plain and simple. Within reason, they want it, they get it. Health care, done. Housing, Done. After-military job placement, done. Season tickets to the Yankees or Buccaneers…..sorry. get a real team ;-). 650,000 Mercedes-McLaren SLR……heh. Not so fast. See above. You want a 2007 Neon or Dakota, though…..no worries.
Tours of Duty restrictions: This goes with my military spending. A soldier in ANY service would be limited to two tours of duty. There are many physical and psychological reasons for this, but two is enough, maybe even too many. And, with my spending policy, we'd have the backups to make it possible.
Length of War restrictions: Five years. If we can't win a war in five years, then it is probably something that we should never have gotten involved in in the first place. We entered WWII in 1941, ended the European front AND Pacific front in 1945. WWI was mostly over by the time we entered in 1916-17, but it ended in 1918. (Yes I am aware WWII started in 1939…but I am dealing with the US only here for this example).
Medical Benefits: One of the things I believe we are doing WAAAAAAYYY wrong. Medical benefits should be available to all US citizens for NECESSARY issues. Broken bones, heart attacks, pregnancies, cancers, etc. Hypochondriacs, however…..sorry, y'all are going to be paying through the nose.
Stricter Penalties for Illegal Activities: This is something I think Muslim countries have very right. Eye for an Eye. You kill someone…you die. None of this Mickey mouse "death row" bullshit. If you are accused of killing someone, a jury finds you guilty, you get ONE appeal. If it ALSO finds you guilty, you will be shot, hung, or lethally injected within a week. Rapists….will you please see the sodomites in level a. Every day till you kill yourself. Either that, or let the police turn their backs when the woman's relatives and/or friends catch up with you. If there is anything left of you, it will be castrated. Pedophiles….see above. DUI cases lose licenses and car, no warnings. Cars are a PRIVELEGE, not a right. Thieves: you get caught and convicted, you might want to say goodbye to your thumbs. And, as I said before, most other crimes would be solved on a face-to-face basis.
Tracers: All criminals after trial would be injected with a sub-dermal tracker. Once you are a felon you have lost your rights. I don't believe in this "Three Strikes" bullshit. I honestly believe people RARELY change…but I would be willing to take a chance…somewhat. Anyone convicted of a felony would be injected, as I said, with a sub-dermal tracer before being re-introduced to the population (Hello, population!). Any subsequent crimes and the two-time offender is removed. Use your imagination.
Insurance laws: People who build homes on the beach are uninsurable. People who modify their vehicles to be street racers are as well. Insurance companies should not be forced to insure people. In fact, this shouldn't be an issue, because, if you see above, if you have lost your license you have a tracer now. See where I am going with this?
Welfare and Unions: Good idea once…abused now. Same with Affirmative Action. The Welfare system was originally designed to help lower income families through rough times of unemployment. However, now, we have so many people abusing the system (We have ALL seen the people at the grocery store using WIC checks, then getting into a BMW or Mercedes) that it is a liability. Unions have gotten ridiculous. Affirmative action has tied employers hands. Now, even if you have no skills whatsoever, you HAVE to be employed to meet a quota because of the color of your skin. I say, with my system of better teachers and better overall pay scales and minimum wages, everyone will have an even footing going into the job market, and jobs will be gained by SKILL, not sex or race.
Military Base bylaws: If there is a military base, they should have to put on a mandatory Expo every year. This is not only something good for the community to see what their tax dollars are going for and to get an idea of what the military is about, it is also a great recruiting tool. Also works as a military-community bonding event.
Necessary and Reasonable: Any kind of work that is NECESSARY (I.e. transmission repair on a car, heart transplant on a person, roof replacement on a house, et cetera), should not be able to be hiked up to exorbitant prices. Labor should not be charged for these things. Now, you need your oil changed…that's LABOR. Do it yourself. You want to install a custom audio system in the car or get the uber-modern home entertainment center, a boob job, what have you…yep, you are going to PAY through the roof. As it should be. Necessary should be affordable. The PERKS…or non-necessary…yeah, that should be more costly.
Official Language: We don't have one. If I were in position, it would be English. You can't speak it, you can't get a job, a car, a home, citizenship, period. No more dual languages on the ATMs, at the McDonalds, etc etc. One language. Use it, learn it, love it. Or leave.
Testing for important events: There would be common sense, personality, responsibility, and IQ testing REQUIRED before being allowed to procreate, get a job, get married, get any kind of license, or any expensive possessions. No exceptions. That might even cut down on the Dumbing Down of America.
Holiday Season Billing: No company will be allowed to bill for the month of December. Period. Car loans, Credit cards, electric, water, phones, AOL, nothing. Christmas is rough enough money wise.
Medical Bills: It's outrageous. $1000 for an ambulance, $1500 just to see a doctor. If it's an emergency, it's free. With the money the government would be saving elsewhere in my plans, it can afford to absorb the cost. Obviously, as stated before, plastic surgery is not included, UNLESS necessary. If you are in a car accident and went in looking like Brad Pitt but recovered looking like Quasimodo, of COURSE you can get the work done….BACK to the way you looked only.
Originality Act for Television Programming: No more reality TV. Everyone has seen it. Everyone is copy-catting each other. One talk show. Period. One "Cops" style show, One "Judge" show, etc etc. Sports channels will be offered without extra cost. As would other specialty channels. Reality junkies can have a Reality channel…just not on the Big Networks. It's overdone.
Press/Media: All news broadcasts would have to have an equal amount of good and bad stories. The news has become more about shock factor than the truth. Also, anyone reporting on a celebrity must THEMSELVES be prepared and willing to have cameras on them in their most private moments, and have people following them everywhere. I think a few things might rapidly change in the industry that way. The Paparazzi would cease to exist. Movie stars and athletes should be treated like Joe Schmoe down the street. No special attention. If you KNOW him or her, treat them like you want to be treated. If you DON'T know them….leave them the hell alone. Common Courtesy, people.
NON-GOVERNMENT but IRKSOME:
These are things not under the purview of the government and things I know I couldn't change if I were elected to high office, but would DAMN SURE like to!
Christmas Music: Even though this is not something under governmental control, I would mandate that no one (ESPECIALLY malls, radio stations, movie theaters, and restaurants) would be able to play Christmas Music until the week before and of Christmas. I don't know about anyone else, but it gets to the point that, after heaving carols from October until Christmas, I am ready to go postal on the first Caroler dumb enough to come down my street. It's bad enough we have Britney Spears or Pink all year….that's Cruel and Unusual enough!
Pro Athletes: Enough is enough. You play a game. Get over yourselves. Max salary would be set at $35,000 a year for any pro athlete. Not enough, get a real-world job in the off-season.
Obesity: It is now the number one killer in America. Not DUI, not cancer, not heart attack, not airline accidents, not meth. Being Fat is the number one cause of death. Personally, I'm an ass. I think all workplaces should institute a health program. If you are grossly obese, you need to have a certain amount of time to get in shape (a year, let's say) or you're fired. Being fat isn't doing you any good, and no one wants to see a fat person. I said it. You've all thought it. It's not genetic…it's willpower. And I KNOW what you're saying…."Oh, Bri can say that 'cause he's skinny." Fuckoff. I bike twenty miles a DAY to stay this way. Six days a week. The only thing that makes you fat is laziness. Ask any REAL doctor not trying to get your money. It's not a condition, it's a state of mind. OBVIOUSLY, if you are injured and cannot exercise, you're going to get larger. We all know this. Women get pregnant and gain weight, this is a given. Some try VERY VERY hard and can never get back to the size they were…THAT is understood. BUT, those aren't the beached whales. I've beat that point to death.
By
Brian Kupfer
There are many good reasons I will never run for politics, which, surprisingly, have nothing to do with my checkered past. Although that certainly wouldn't help, it is rather vanilla compared to a lot of prominent politicians today.
No, my reasons are far much more basic. I don't have the emotional or mental makeup to be a politician.
I don't lie. I'm upfront and honest. BLUNT, even. I'm not egotistical or greedy. I understand the difference between right and wrong. I know where that line is. Sure, I step over it once in a while, but I always know I am doing it and I never stay on the other side for long. I'm loyal to those I care about. I'm impossible to buy off (not that anyone has tried).I'm opinionated and obstinate. I don't CARE about public opinion. I shy away from the spotlight. Money is nice to have, but it doesn't run my life. I have no desire to be famous. I am not trying to make people like me. If you do, great, if you don't, go away. I hate ties. I have a very low stupidity tolerance, and I don't shy away from letting people know if they've annoyed me. I'm NOT tactful. I have common sense, and common courtesy. (Common…don't make me laugh…what a misnomer. Tell me I'm wrong.) I don't fuck with people's beliefs. I don't truly care about people's beliefs as long as they don't try to force them on me. Ok…in THAT way I could be a politician. However, unlike politicos, with me, what you see is what you get.
This is going to be long, drawn out, and possibly not make a lot of sense to some of you. I'm quite possibly going to step on a lot of toes. These statements, or, if you will, Ideas on Solving Issues, are nothing more than refined versions of my thinking aloud on the way I would solve issues given the free reign to do so. Some will make you laugh, some you will applaud, others you will roll your eyes. And that's all good. That's the point, to stimulate thought. One thing we can all probably agree on, though….something needs to be done about some of these things. Many of you have heard some of these, a few have heard most…I don't think anyone has heard all of them. So, sit down, strap in, and feel free to make any comments you want….it's all about communication! Like I told Harry…..were I President and enacted all these things, I would likely be impeached, shot or at least shot AT, THEN Drawn and Quartered.
The Issues:
Congress and Politicians of any stripe, Local or National: Congress was originally chartered to be an objective voice of the people, consisting of representatives OF the people, working for the people's best interests. This seems to have fallen by the wayside, as Congress hardly represents these ideas in this day and age. Today, politicians hardly know what their constituents look like, much less what they stand for or how they live. Let's face it, most Congressmen or women make more than any ten of the people they "represent" put together. It's gotten out of hand. When it was founded (and, indeed, many towns across the nation are STILL run this way), Congress was made up of men who had other responsibilities in the community as well, and this is one of the reasons Congress was only on session at certain times of the year. They also did not receive large stipends from lobbyists, indeed, many of those original Congressmen were volunteers.
In my opinion, and if I were ever able to be in the position to affect such a change, Congress would be made a part-time job only (as it TRULY is a part-time job anyway), to be either voluntary or paid at minimum wage, and ONLY paid for those hours actually SPENT in the Congressional buildings. No expense accounts. They would have to travel on airliners like everyone else, drive their own cars or rent them, and, most importantly, PAY FOR IT THEMSELVES. No campaign funds. No political commercials. Word of mouth is the campaign trail. MEET the people. I know, it sounds Mayberry, but….. Take it back to basics. Make politicians actually BE the representatives of the people. In addition, true politicians would no longer be a job, and lawyers (see lawyers…they have another category) will be too busy in their reduced numbers to run for office. Congress and all other politicians would actually be made up of normal working men and women, who do their Congressional duties AROUND their normal jobs. We give National Guard and Reserves time off to do THEIR duties for the country, so there is no reason it could not be made to apply to politicians as well. After all, Congress is in session less time per year than the average Guardsman or Reservist is engaged in military duties, even in peacetime, so…..you see where I am heading on this.
In addition to the fact that the above changes would truly make the political machine representative of the people, limiting pay to volunteer or minimum wage would bring to light, and to life, in a much more palpable manner, the plight facing the working man and woman in this day and age. This will be covered later under Pay Scales.
Lawyers and Lawsuits: Face it….it's gotten out of hand. People can sue anyone for anything, even self-induced injuries from their own stupidity can make them millions off an innocent party. Need an example? Remember the dumbass who burned herself on McDonalds coffee at the drivethru….by spilling it on HERSELF? Thanks to her, all my coffee cups now say "Caution,. Beverage is Hot". No shit. It's not SUPPOSESD to be cold….and I don't care what the frou frou's say about iced coffee. Coffee is a hot drink….and especially back when ms moron burnt herself. So, under my plan, most lawyers and ALL frivolous lawsuits would be done away with. Society has become entirely too sue-happy and no one wants to take responsibility for their own actions these days.
Lawyers are, and SHOULD be, servants of the public, and there is no reason they should be making the outrageous kinds of monies they do.
Lawyers should be employed on a volunteer or minimum wage basis (you will see this theme again and again), and should not be able to gain commissions for suits.
In addition, there should be only two kinds of lawyers allowed hereon. These should be Criminal Defense Attorneys and Criminal Prosecutors. Said lawyers should only be on hand to try cases involving rape, Murder, unprovoked assault, hate crimes, large scale embezzlement (think Enron), and SERIOUS destruction, of property or theft.
Any lawyer who attempts to file frivolous lawsuits, (i.e. suing a homeowner for a burglar's injuries received DURING a robbery), should not only immediately lose their Bar privileges, but should in addition be incarcerated for the same length of time as their client, and, if at all possible, in the same CELL.
No more lawsuits for "personal responsibility" issues should be tolerated. For example, if your child ends up climbing your fence, going into the neighbor's yard, diving into their pool, and drowning, your neighbor CANNOT be held responsible for your negligence in watching your offspring. It's high time parents had to take the responsibility for their bad parenting.
All other forms of dispute should be able to be settled in person on a face to face basis. If it results in a fistfight, maybe you should be damn well sure you are right before you press the issue. If you are not sure about your position in a matter that you THINK may be a legal issue, ask a friend or parent.
Homelessness: In this day and age in America, there should be no such thing as homelessness or unemployment. Anyone who is unemployed and unwilling to get a job, (and there are HUNDREDS of THOUSANDS out there currently being held by illegal immigrants…more on THAT later), should be loaded into a cargo aircraft and shipped to Antarctica with a small amount of personal belongings. Within a week they would be either thankful for a job at McDonalds or the local meat packing plant, or dead. Either way, problem solved. After all, beggars shan't be choosers.
OBVIOUSLY, this would not apply for the handicapped or Veterans…this will be covered elsewhere.
As for the problem of homes and cost of living, these shall be covered elsewhere under the Pay scale heading.
Pay Scales: One of the first things I would do if placed in a position able to do so, would be to change the governmental pay scales, and, if possible, set standards for all groups of pay. For instance, the top-paid people in the US would be Teachers, Military, Policemen, Firemen, and Doctors. This would be a sliding scale. The highest paid person in civilian life would set the standard. No soldier, Teacher, PD , FD or Doctor would EVER make less than $80,000 a year, and would always be entitled to $10K a year more than the highest paid executives. Period. Entertainers and Athletes would be at the bottom of the scale with everyone else in between. It seems like common sense to me. The people that educate, protect, and save us should get the best pay. Seriously…why should a wall street fat-cat be making millions and rarely ever be away from a building or a chauffeured car, while Privates being shot at have to worry about which bills to pay. Nope. We have it backwards right now. Would be the first thing I changed. And, think about it, teacher's PAY goes up, they might want to stick in their field a little. I would have been a teacher, but would not have been able to pay my bills on a FL teacher's salary. It's ridiculous. These are the people entrusted with educating the leaders of tomorrow. And they make less than the garbage man. Think about that for a minute.
Gun Control: It's a stupid idea. All it does is make it easier for CRIMINALS to get weapons than it does honest citizens. An armed society is a polite society, I say. Sure, a few hotheads will shoot some people and then get killed themselves…but they won't last as long if EVERYONE has a weapon. Betcha road rage would go down if you KNEW the other guy was armed. Robberies too, probably. Besides….guns don't kill people. Honest truth. I have NEVER seen a gun kill someone…..by itself. It takes bullets and a finger on the trigger. So…no more gun control. You want one, have at it!
Illegal Immigrants: Two words. Go Home. As I see it, if you aren't a citizen and you aren't a tourist, you have no place here. You want to live here, get a citizenship. And quit bitching to me about your rights. You know what ILLEGAL means, right? You don't HAVE rights. If I were in charge your ass would be dropped in international waters if you declined to get a citizenship. We don't need or WANT illegal immigrants. If we were able to get rid of illegal immigrants and illegal immigrations, there would be no unemployment and no homelessness. It's a black and white situation. You are legal or you aren't.
Military Spending: Woo-a hot button topic. My way….there are no limits. Military funding should be a priority over ALL else except health care. Reagan had that one right. Look at it lately. Name five new military systems that have come online in one service in the last ten years. Think about this. The F-15, F-16, F-18, A-10, and AV-8B (Yes, we all know I am an aviation nerd) entered service in the mid-1970s. The F-22 raptor is just now entering service but its prototype first flew in 1990. The V-22 is also entering service but first flew in 1987. The F-117 entered service in 1983. The B-2A in 1988. Think about that. Our NEWEST tech is over 20 years old. The B-52H, C-130s, C-5 and KC-135 have been flying in our inventory since the 1950s, and the B-1B has been in the arsenal since 1975. The HMMWV came out in the 80s and the M-1 Abrams and Bradley Fighting Vehicles were in the late eighties as well. Some of our marine amphibious assault ships haven't changed since Iwo Jima and Normandy in 1944-45!! Food for thought.
Post-War Drawdowns: This is something I have never understood. WWI ended and we cut the military back to nothing. Then we got slapped around and sucker-punched by the Japanese in 1941. WWII ended and we scrapped most of our military hardware. Knock Knock. Who is it? Korea and Vietnam. Drawdown again. Knock Knock. Hi, we're the middle east and we'd like to have you play in the sand. Beruit Bombings, Libya, Gulf War. Drawdown. WHAM. Sept 11th. How many times are we going to make the same fucking mistakes? Think about it this way. If Muhammad Ali quit working out between fights, would he have ever been the Greatest of All Time? Or would he have just been Cassius Clay, some bum who got wiped off the boxing map on his second fight because he wasn't in shape? You think I'm being funny, but we are the ONLY superpower left….but we REALLY have no muscle. We have the best military in the world….but they are hampered by poor training, not enough supplies, and little backup. I say we build the military back up to where it was in the eighties, a TRUE global power….and never draw down again. Because if we have proven ONE thing in the past, it's that when we DON'T have military strength….THAT'S when we need it. Here's a fun what if for you. Say we had never quit producing fighters and bombers after World War II. Hell, say we never did the massive Drawdown in the early nineties and still had 20x the men and women in uniform we do now….do you REALLY THINK 9/11 would have happened?
Political Ads: Banned. End of story. See my "Congress" section.
DMV regulations and Testing: EVERYONE would have to pass a MUCH tougher written and driving test to get a license. This driven test would include Tactical maneuvering, wet and inclement condition driving, off-road driving, hills, parallel parking, ice driving, introductory hydroplaning, interstate merging, and Manual Transmission. Also, it would be mandatory EVERY FOUR YEARS that you would be re-tested, up until you turned sixty-five, then it would be EVERY YEAR. The written test would be exhaustive, covering over 200 questions and lasting at least two hours. A car is a dangerous weapon in stupid hands. High performance vehicles would require more testing commensurate with the sticker price. You want a sixty-five thousand-dollar SUV…you may be in driver's classes a while. The faster, bigger, heavier, more powerful a vehicle is, the more easily it can kill someone…or a LOT of someones. It should be treated as such.
Veteran's Benefits: You NAME it. Veterans are heroes, plain and simple. Within reason, they want it, they get it. Health care, done. Housing, Done. After-military job placement, done. Season tickets to the Yankees or Buccaneers…..sorry. get a real team ;-). 650,000 Mercedes-McLaren SLR……heh. Not so fast. See above. You want a 2007 Neon or Dakota, though…..no worries.
Tours of Duty restrictions: This goes with my military spending. A soldier in ANY service would be limited to two tours of duty. There are many physical and psychological reasons for this, but two is enough, maybe even too many. And, with my spending policy, we'd have the backups to make it possible.
Length of War restrictions: Five years. If we can't win a war in five years, then it is probably something that we should never have gotten involved in in the first place. We entered WWII in 1941, ended the European front AND Pacific front in 1945. WWI was mostly over by the time we entered in 1916-17, but it ended in 1918. (Yes I am aware WWII started in 1939…but I am dealing with the US only here for this example).
Medical Benefits: One of the things I believe we are doing WAAAAAAYYY wrong. Medical benefits should be available to all US citizens for NECESSARY issues. Broken bones, heart attacks, pregnancies, cancers, etc. Hypochondriacs, however…..sorry, y'all are going to be paying through the nose.
Stricter Penalties for Illegal Activities: This is something I think Muslim countries have very right. Eye for an Eye. You kill someone…you die. None of this Mickey mouse "death row" bullshit. If you are accused of killing someone, a jury finds you guilty, you get ONE appeal. If it ALSO finds you guilty, you will be shot, hung, or lethally injected within a week. Rapists….will you please see the sodomites in level a. Every day till you kill yourself. Either that, or let the police turn their backs when the woman's relatives and/or friends catch up with you. If there is anything left of you, it will be castrated. Pedophiles….see above. DUI cases lose licenses and car, no warnings. Cars are a PRIVELEGE, not a right. Thieves: you get caught and convicted, you might want to say goodbye to your thumbs. And, as I said before, most other crimes would be solved on a face-to-face basis.
Tracers: All criminals after trial would be injected with a sub-dermal tracker. Once you are a felon you have lost your rights. I don't believe in this "Three Strikes" bullshit. I honestly believe people RARELY change…but I would be willing to take a chance…somewhat. Anyone convicted of a felony would be injected, as I said, with a sub-dermal tracer before being re-introduced to the population (Hello, population!). Any subsequent crimes and the two-time offender is removed. Use your imagination.
Insurance laws: People who build homes on the beach are uninsurable. People who modify their vehicles to be street racers are as well. Insurance companies should not be forced to insure people. In fact, this shouldn't be an issue, because, if you see above, if you have lost your license you have a tracer now. See where I am going with this?
Welfare and Unions: Good idea once…abused now. Same with Affirmative Action. The Welfare system was originally designed to help lower income families through rough times of unemployment. However, now, we have so many people abusing the system (We have ALL seen the people at the grocery store using WIC checks, then getting into a BMW or Mercedes) that it is a liability. Unions have gotten ridiculous. Affirmative action has tied employers hands. Now, even if you have no skills whatsoever, you HAVE to be employed to meet a quota because of the color of your skin. I say, with my system of better teachers and better overall pay scales and minimum wages, everyone will have an even footing going into the job market, and jobs will be gained by SKILL, not sex or race.
Military Base bylaws: If there is a military base, they should have to put on a mandatory Expo every year. This is not only something good for the community to see what their tax dollars are going for and to get an idea of what the military is about, it is also a great recruiting tool. Also works as a military-community bonding event.
Necessary and Reasonable: Any kind of work that is NECESSARY (I.e. transmission repair on a car, heart transplant on a person, roof replacement on a house, et cetera), should not be able to be hiked up to exorbitant prices. Labor should not be charged for these things. Now, you need your oil changed…that's LABOR. Do it yourself. You want to install a custom audio system in the car or get the uber-modern home entertainment center, a boob job, what have you…yep, you are going to PAY through the roof. As it should be. Necessary should be affordable. The PERKS…or non-necessary…yeah, that should be more costly.
Official Language: We don't have one. If I were in position, it would be English. You can't speak it, you can't get a job, a car, a home, citizenship, period. No more dual languages on the ATMs, at the McDonalds, etc etc. One language. Use it, learn it, love it. Or leave.
Testing for important events: There would be common sense, personality, responsibility, and IQ testing REQUIRED before being allowed to procreate, get a job, get married, get any kind of license, or any expensive possessions. No exceptions. That might even cut down on the Dumbing Down of America.
Holiday Season Billing: No company will be allowed to bill for the month of December. Period. Car loans, Credit cards, electric, water, phones, AOL, nothing. Christmas is rough enough money wise.
Medical Bills: It's outrageous. $1000 for an ambulance, $1500 just to see a doctor. If it's an emergency, it's free. With the money the government would be saving elsewhere in my plans, it can afford to absorb the cost. Obviously, as stated before, plastic surgery is not included, UNLESS necessary. If you are in a car accident and went in looking like Brad Pitt but recovered looking like Quasimodo, of COURSE you can get the work done….BACK to the way you looked only.
Originality Act for Television Programming: No more reality TV. Everyone has seen it. Everyone is copy-catting each other. One talk show. Period. One "Cops" style show, One "Judge" show, etc etc. Sports channels will be offered without extra cost. As would other specialty channels. Reality junkies can have a Reality channel…just not on the Big Networks. It's overdone.
Press/Media: All news broadcasts would have to have an equal amount of good and bad stories. The news has become more about shock factor than the truth. Also, anyone reporting on a celebrity must THEMSELVES be prepared and willing to have cameras on them in their most private moments, and have people following them everywhere. I think a few things might rapidly change in the industry that way. The Paparazzi would cease to exist. Movie stars and athletes should be treated like Joe Schmoe down the street. No special attention. If you KNOW him or her, treat them like you want to be treated. If you DON'T know them….leave them the hell alone. Common Courtesy, people.
NON-GOVERNMENT but IRKSOME:
These are things not under the purview of the government and things I know I couldn't change if I were elected to high office, but would DAMN SURE like to!
Christmas Music: Even though this is not something under governmental control, I would mandate that no one (ESPECIALLY malls, radio stations, movie theaters, and restaurants) would be able to play Christmas Music until the week before and of Christmas. I don't know about anyone else, but it gets to the point that, after heaving carols from October until Christmas, I am ready to go postal on the first Caroler dumb enough to come down my street. It's bad enough we have Britney Spears or Pink all year….that's Cruel and Unusual enough!
Pro Athletes: Enough is enough. You play a game. Get over yourselves. Max salary would be set at $35,000 a year for any pro athlete. Not enough, get a real-world job in the off-season.
Obesity: It is now the number one killer in America. Not DUI, not cancer, not heart attack, not airline accidents, not meth. Being Fat is the number one cause of death. Personally, I'm an ass. I think all workplaces should institute a health program. If you are grossly obese, you need to have a certain amount of time to get in shape (a year, let's say) or you're fired. Being fat isn't doing you any good, and no one wants to see a fat person. I said it. You've all thought it. It's not genetic…it's willpower. And I KNOW what you're saying…."Oh, Bri can say that 'cause he's skinny." Fuckoff. I bike twenty miles a DAY to stay this way. Six days a week. The only thing that makes you fat is laziness. Ask any REAL doctor not trying to get your money. It's not a condition, it's a state of mind. OBVIOUSLY, if you are injured and cannot exercise, you're going to get larger. We all know this. Women get pregnant and gain weight, this is a given. Some try VERY VERY hard and can never get back to the size they were…THAT is understood. BUT, those aren't the beached whales. I've beat that point to death.
