Light of day

I haven't been able to sleep all night. No, I don't have some sleeping disorder, I'm not ill (that I know of), I just haven't been able to shut my mind off.
It's not the recession (which hasn't effected me at all), it's not the swine flu (which is being blown WAY out of proportion), it's just thinking about my life in general, and a few things in specific.
I don't know where I fit in, for one. I mean, I've never really "fit in" anywhere, but I'm not sure why that is. However, I was always good at making friends.
For some reason, that one has fallen by the wayside. It seems like, at LEAST since I've moved to Florida, everyone I have made friends with has let me down in some way or another, or has ended up being a completely different person than they presented themselves to be. And it's damn near impossible to meet interesting people here in the first place. Having said that, I apologive to Chad and CC, who do not fit that group at all.
And then there's work. Now, I don't hate my job or anything like that, but I also don't see myself doing it forever. Ok, let's be honest, I don't like working at all, I mean, who really does? But I wouldn't mind finding a job that plays to my strengths and yet is still able to pay the bills. The only places I have truly loved working were volunteer work, and with my student loans, that just doesn't cut it.
Oh, and this working to midnight shit and driving across half the state every day leaves a lot to be desired, too.
And I think the climate itself isn't helping. Everyone keeps saying how they's LOVE to live in Florida and be somewhere where it's warm all the time. Bullshit. It's monotonous. Nothing ever changes, everything is overpriced, and 90% of the people here are shallow, callous, and two-faced. But then again, maybe it's not them. Maybe it's me. Maybe I just expect too much of people.
Why don't I move? Excellent question. Finances. Probably the same story as everyone else on earth, save that lucky top percentage. Now, we all know I could give a shit less about money. It's not important to me, never has been, but I can never seem to make more than enough to just squeak by. And moving is not cheap. Besides, who says anywhere else will be better than here? I mean, I wasn't exactly fond of Nebraska, and it's possibe I am remembering Colorado through rose-tinted memories.
Maybe part of it is that I have been here for seven years, and that's the longest I have ever lived consecutively in one house in my life.
I know sort of where i want my life to go...I just have no idea how to get there.
And before one of you suggests i should go see a psychiatrist...Not gonna happen. Dont need some quack telling me these are normal feelings. Already know that. Doesnt mean i have to like them. All that being said, though...Not depressed. Not happy...Just thinking..and hoping that letting my thoughts see the light of day will help me to find a path.
Anyway, enough of me for today.
Valder Out