So...as part of my unemployment criteria, i had to go to the Unemployment Center today. Like I texted a few of you, if you're a people watcher, going to the Unemployment Center is like going to Wal-Mart at 3am.
But I digress.
So I get this letter in the mail on Monday telling me that I have a mandatory Unemployment meeting scheduled for 1pm on October 21st.
Anyone else see a problem with that? Right. Monday was the 26th. I don't own Doc Brown's DeLorean, so I apparently was in trouble now for missing a mandatory meeting. I mean, the unemployment check ain't much, but, hey, it's something and it covers many of the bills after getting my Student Loan deferred.
So I call the number on the letter and explain how I had just gotten the letter in the mail. The woman who answered the phone sounded unsurprised, and re-scheduled me for this morning at 11. Then she asked if that would be ok with me.
I replied that I was unemployed, what else did I have to do?
She laughed at me. Or maybe it was supposed to be with me. Who knows?
Anyway, I show up for the meeting this morning at about 1030, shaved, showered, and in business attire.
Apparently, I didn't get the memo.
Anybody watch the Simpsons? I met Cletus the Slackjawed Yokel today. Or a dozen of him/her. I walked into that office, and I thought I'd died and gone to Lakeland. There was one other guy in a collared shirt there, but I found out about five minutes later he was actually a courier.
Everybody else was dressed in what can what charitably can be called Jessica-Simpson-chic. There were people wearing clothes five sizes too small, they had their kids with them, and quite a few had apparently not heard of bathing, punctuality, or reading signs, since they kept talking on and answering their cell phones that had loud enough ringtones to be heard on an airport tarmac.
Over the jet engine noise.
So i sign in and the harassed-looking girl (she had to be all of 17) at the counter handed me some paperwork to fill out, then did a double take at my clothes. She smiled at me and moved my letter I had received to the front of the pile. Probably helped that she couldn't smell me from across the room either.
So after about an hour of twiddling my thumbs in the lobby, one of the "Employment Specialist Managers" called out about 25 names, mine included, and led us across the office complex (nee strip-mall) to a conference room, which she apologized had only been designed for 15 people. At least the leather chairs were comfortable.
In the 45 minute briefing that followed, I learned that the Unemployment Center doesn't like to be called that, they like to be called the Employment Opportunities Center, and that the best way to find new jobs these days is online. She also outlined a bunch of classes that they teach there, like resume writing, how to act during an interview, and one called Dress for Success.
After stating the name of that last one, she looked around the room at the Wendy Whitetrash and Timmy Trailerpark get ups most everyone was wearing then said "I suggest all of you take that one, except for you" and pointed a finger at me.
Well, damn, I ain't making friends with any of THAT group. You should have SEEN the looks I was getting, all because I understand proper etiquette (Not that I USE it all that often, but I CAN act like a useful member of society on occasion).
Another thing I learned was that the reason I am having so much trouble finding a job is because I am a single, healthy, white male. Not joking. The lady leading the briefing put up numbers for us showing that, due to the rough economic times, a lot of companies are hiring parents, people with families to support, people with disabilities, veterans, and a large number of ethnicities, some of that due to equal opportunity, but much because those are the people that need jobs more. Now, I have no problem with that and understand it very well on an intellectual level. But it's also depressing as hell to think of where that leaves me on the employment ladder.
After the group meeting, we were separated and did a small battery of Q&A with an employment specialist in small groups. Mine was me and a lady who was either very very pregnant or trying out to fly over races and sporting events. I took the better part of valor and didn't ask. Or, surprisingly, make a wise ass comment...until now.
Then we had a typing test and some one-on-one face time with the specialist, who asked what kind of job i was looking for. So I told her.
"I've been unemployed for a month and a half. I'm looking for a paying job."
She laughed and said she remembered talking to me on the phone on Monday and that I was a very funny guy. So I asked if she had any openings at a comedy club. It went on like that for a couple of minutes, but I got her number. Of course, it was on her business card, but, hey, i can PRETEND she doesn't give one to everybody, right?
After that, since it was nearly 4pm, she suggested I just keep doing what I have been doing and showed me the state employment website (which is actually who sent me the letter anyway), and said she looked forward to seeing me again next month.
All in all, I learned basically nothing but spent 5 hours away from the house, so......
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